Morning Glory

So, my last post about homeschooling challenges touched on just how difficult the day to day process has been in our family.  The choice to homeschool isn’t hard, but the day to day requires more than I ever thought possible.  It has been emotionally and physically exhausting. And, when you homeschool in an isolated area, it just compounds the problem.  For a while, I wasn’t doing/dealing well at all.  I knew it, but didn’t know how to help myself.  Somehow, the means to help myself (probably the result of many heartfelt prayers) offered itself. 

I was forced to make some major changes, especially this year.  I experimented a bit to see what would work for me before stumbling onto/into help.

First I tried staying up late to get some personal time for prayer, reading and just being alone.  If I can’t get time during the day, after everyone is asleep should work, right??  It doesn’t work for me.  I’m already tired.  The praying was dry and the only reading I can handle is fluff…just fluff.  I cannot concentrate or meditate on anything of substance in the evening or late evening hours.  The longer I tried to make this work, the worse my emotional well-being became and my frustration with everyone and everything around me grew.  I didn’t like myself very well and I’m pretty sure my family wanted to ship me off to Siberia.

Shortly before Lent, I knew I had to do ‘something’ else.  I needed to change my pattern; thankfully Lent creates the perfect atmosphere/attitude.  So, instead of giving up Chai or Dr. Pepper, I wanted to instead give up the poor emotional and physical health I’d been stuck in for a couple months.  But, how to do it?  These two books have been a huge source of help and inspiration:

and

Along with reading each of these every morning, I journal when necessary for accountability.  I like looking back to check on myself.  The most helpful advice thus far has been to determine the one thing, if changed tomorrow, that would help me the most.  Mine was rising by 6:15am.  At this season of my life, rising by 6:15am mostly works…if Dac stays asleep I get to read by myself in the pre-dawn light.  If he wakes, he nurses while I read.  My second ‘thing’ was going to bed by 10:30pm.  Necessarily, these two were done together. 

Rising earlier meant I had time to make myself a cup of Chai and read ‘33 Days to Morning Glory.’  It also created time to meditate on the words a little.  I’ve chosen to read ‘33 Days…’ first and then move to ‘Say Goodbye…’  Then, for fun, I play a game on my kindle (if you must know, it’s either Tetris…or ughhh! CandyCrush.  I succumbed and have not much else to say!).

Why has this made a difference?  Well, I believe it’s because oftentimes this is the only thing done during the day for me.  It grounds me.  It reminds me why I’m here.  Even if I end up yelling at the kids, the schoolwork isn’t done by the oldest (again), the 18mo didn’t sleep well last night, I didn’t get a shower (again), the walls are marked with permanent marker (and I just used up my ‘best’ organic cleaner; nothing else I have will take it off), and I generally feel as if I’m drowning in a sea of chores and to-do’s…I still FEEL like I’ve accomplished something I haven’t been able to do for quite some time…read a passage that is uplifting and brings me closer to Christ and His mother, Mary.

And, finally, there is a little bit of peace in my day.  I know I have a little sliver of peace to look forward to each and every day.